The swaying branches in the wind storm reminded me of a term that I just heard that perfectly sums up what I need to embrace right now (and always): cognitive flexibility.
Basically it's the idea that you don't need to throw a tantrum when things don't go exactly the way you envisioned them. You can look on the bright side, count your blessings, or whatever other optimistic trope you want to employ.
We've been practicing this idea at home with my youngest. When confronted with the fact that he wouldn't be able to ride the roller coaster at the kiddie amusement park this weekend that he had so looked forward to doing, he came up with a cognitively flexible response all on his own without any prompting: "Oh, well. There's lots of fun things to do inside!"
It's been a great lesson for my son, but I think it's a way of thinking I need to embrace as well.
I had all these visions of what I was going to create for the Thanksgiving table and all of the heartfelt goodies I would make to fill up my almost-empty Etsy shop. I even sketched out ideas and made a good start on them.
Given what I have to do from now until next Thursday, those things aren't going to happen.
I had planned to lose 20 pounds so that I could feel better about myself at a family reunion. That did not happen.
I could throw a tantrum right now or just sulk about not getting these things done.
But I could also employ some cognitive flexibility and know that the regular exercise I've been doing to reach my weight-loss goal has made me feel better physically and mentally. The table runner I made from felted sweaters can be used this year even if it's not embellished the way I wanted it to be. It was a joy to sew, and I was happy to use up my stash of sweaters for the project. I can file away the embroidered linen napkin rings for a future Thanksgiving. The Etsy shop can wait.
And instead of looking around the Thanksgiving dinner table and seeing all of the projects I couldn't complete and the skinny person I'm not, for a change I am going to just be happy to be me in that moment, surrounded by my family that I love. That's the kind of flexibility I'll be happy to pass on to my kids.
7 comments:
I couldn't have said it better, my friend. It's just the way everyone shall behave. Happy with the way things are, and make things change if we're really that unhappy about them. This is a lesson of life for everyone. Thank you so much for sharing. I even shall print this post of yours, with your permission. (for my personal use of course)
xoxoxo
You my friend are awesome! Love this post so much, and not because you've paraded out some cliche thing about attitude adjustments and what not, but because this is a thoughtful and truth telling post from your heart! Cognitive Flexibility - I had never heard that phrase before.
It's a great way to put the brakes on when the visions and reality are not meshing. A pause button!
Very true words to remember when things don't always go as planned. Thank you for introducing me to the term "cognitive flexibility". It really does seem to roll off the tongue.
Good for you! Nice to see people who can see the positive side of life :)
I could hug you right now for this post.
I'm trying to be more flexible in this way. I get a little tough on myself as my many plans are dashed, as happens when one has crafty ambitions and 4 kids in the same house. Sometimes I really need to take a step back and see what I do have. Thanks for the reminder.
I didn't know there was a term for this type of thinking, you teach me so much. I try the same type of thinking, not always successfully, but at least I have grown out of tantrums ;)
And well done to you for making the time for a new regular exercise regime, not at all easy to do with a busy family life.
Have a fantastic weekend! Jx
only you could put what we all think and feel so eloquently. The people that really matter are so understanding of this approach and a big thing I have learned this year is that deadlines are negotiable and I am becoming better and better at negotiation.
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