Are You Feelin' It?

At the beginning of February, I gave myself an assignment. A little nudge to focus my often scattered attention. It was to write a series of love letters to explore the many faces of love.

Love wears the face of my grandmother and my mother. Those letters were easy to write.

Writing a love letter to myself was harder, even knowing that self-love is one of the foundations for all of the other kinds of love.

But as I was writing about love, searching for the words for love in many languages, I felt that something was off. I felt like a hypocrite, chasing love with my head while my heart felt as cold as the February days. I got irritable and cranky, out of sync with my loved ones.

And so I stopped writing. If I wasn't "feelin' it," I thought, then I sure shouldn't be writin' it.

Then, after an argument with a loved one, I started noticing some things.

Maybe you could call them love practices. The instinctive impulse, after being awakened from a deep sleep, to comfort a child awakened by a nightmare. Getting out of bed after a late night and making breakfast. And not just a breakfast of cold cereal, but a hot meal with protein and veggies and a little bit of spice and a fresh fruit smoothie to start the day off right. (Some mornings it was a love practice to just get out of bed and tell the kids to get their own cold cereal.)

Noticing itself became a love practice. Noticing when the boys played peacefully through the morning of the umpteenth snow day (OK, maybe it was just the fourth snow day :)). Noticing that my son never fails to say "thank you" and "please." Noticing the growing confidence of my once-cautious daughter as she took a flight all by herself for the first time. Reminding myself to acknowledge these acts with a word or smile became a love practice.

Even though I wasn't feelin' it all the time, I was practicing love in little ways, as were the people around me.

I think I'll keep on practicing.